This Thing Called Life
Hi. I'm Maddie. I'm 17. And there's probably no one reading this..
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ofwnchesters:

no but guys

someone told our professor that i had a fantastic pick up line and they made me tell her

DO YOU KNOW
HOW AWKWARD IT IS
TO LOOK YOUR PROFESSOR IN THE EYE AND SAY
“I MAY NOT GO DOWN IN HISTORY BUT I’LL GO DOWN ON YOU”

AND THEN

SHE RESPONDS

“I’M GOING TO TRY THAT ON MY HUSBAND”

dONE

(via insomniac-on-craack)

baracknobama:

baracknobama:

i lost my glasses today

i cant see how this could have happened

(via acomas)

teresuhhhhhhh:

cupsnake:

You know what the Green Heron is basically the best heron because it is like 90% neck so when it is all folded down it looks like a giant head with wings and legs

image

but then suddenly ZOOP

image

fucking green herons

#bitchesbelike #idontgiveneck

(via insomniac-on-craack)

minxiekitten:

raubbenhood:

Disneyworld needs to make a rollercoaster based off of the ride Yzma and Kronk take to the lair. When the ride starts, Yzma’s voice yells “pull the lever, Kronk!” and the ride starts to move backwards so she yells “wrong lever!” and it shoots you forward.

WHY IS THIS NOT HAPPENING?!

(via insomniac-on-craack)

ocevns:

Me: Hmm, it’s 11:30, I’ll just check tumblr before bed
Me: Why is it 3am now

(via insomniac-on-craack)

dejacoendou:

hey-doesnt-he-rap:

chicken-nuggets-galore:

Do twins have the same sized dick?

now we’re asking the real questions

As a twin, I can say my dick is definitely bigger than my sister’s.

(via insomniac-on-craack)

toewses:

#i’m sure in 1986 that didnt sound as gay as it does now

(Source: gilliananderson, via sugarless-spice)

do you ever just wonder if there’s someone who secretly thinks about you and wants to talk to you but doesn’t know how

(Source: prudence-halliwell, via happiest)

riddlemetom:

really tho the fictional character that’s been treated the worst by its writers is Scrat

image

(via insomniac-on-craack)

slippersaremyweakness:

fat-feminist:

frankierofightingsociety:

why doesn’t anywhere sell normal clothes for women? like i want a plain black fuckin sweater not a mohair cross stitch embroidered cropped asymmetrical slouch longline short sleeved drop hem thing with a hole in the back 

can i get an amen

Sorry, we only stock the Amen in size XXS.

(via insomniac-on-craack)

heros-of-the-bluebox:

sluttyoliveoil:

cough

rough

though

through

why dont these words rhyme

but for some god forsaken reason pony and bologna do

(via drowzee-chaperone)

relahvant:

fantasticsteve:

i have never seen a post with a plot twist like this before

i spit out my water that was brilliant

(Source: sandpit-life, via insomniac-on-craack)

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