no but guys
someone told our professor that i had a fantastic pick up line and they made me tell her
DO YOU KNOW
HOW AWKWARD IT IS
TO LOOK YOUR PROFESSOR IN THE EYE AND SAY
“I MAY NOT GO DOWN IN HISTORY BUT I’LL GO DOWN ON YOU”
“I’M GOING TO TRY THAT ON MY HUSBAND”
i lost my glasses today
i cant see how this could have happened
You know what the Green Heron is basically the best heron because it is like 90% neck so when it is all folded down it looks like a giant head with wings and legs
but then suddenly ZOOP
fucking green herons
Disneyworld needs to make a rollercoaster based off of the ride Yzma and Kronk take to the lair. When the ride starts, Yzma’s voice yells “pull the lever, Kronk!” and the ride starts to move backwards so she yells “wrong lever!” and it shoots you forward.
WHY IS THIS NOT HAPPENING?!
Me: Hmm, it’s 11:30, I’ll just check tumblr before bed
Me: Why is it 3am now
Do twins have the same sized dick?
now we’re asking the real questions
As a twin, I can say my dick is definitely bigger than my sister’s.
#i’m sure in 1986 that didnt sound as gay as it does now
do you ever just wonder if there’s someone who secretly thinks about you and wants to talk to you but doesn’t know how
really tho the fictional character that’s been treated the worst by its writers is Scrat
why doesn’t anywhere sell normal clothes for women? like i want a plain black fuckin sweater not a mohair cross stitch embroidered cropped asymmetrical slouch longline short sleeved drop hem thing with a hole in the back
can i get an amen
Sorry, we only stock the Amen in size XXS.
why dont these words rhyme
but for some god forsaken reason pony and bologna do